Never Had a Dream Come True
by Soleil
Summary: Hotohori's thoughts on a certain miko as he is dying.


a:link{colorA07695;text-decoration:underline} a:visited{color#B797AE;text-decoration:underline} a:hover{colorA07695;font:bold;cursor:crosshair}  Never Had a Dream Come True

**Never Had a Dream Come True**  
By Soleil  


_Everybody's got something they had to leave behind_

Hotohori was vaguely aware of his fellow seishi, Tasuki and Chichiri, along with the rest of his council as his life was slowly slipping from him. It was almost time. He knew as much, and so his mind swam through the sea of memories...most of which concerned his beloved miko, Miaka.  
  
  
One regret from yesterday that just seems to grow with time  
  
  
He had loved her since before he could remember, the one who was destined to save his kingdom, and his heart from loneliness that had haunted him since he had become emperor. After so many years of waiting, she had finally come, and she was everything he had imagined and more. But it was not meant to be, for her heart was promised to someone else before he could find her. That was his only regret, finding her when it was already too late. Because she already began to give her heart to Tamahome.  
  
__  
There's no use looking back or wondering  
  
  
He often wondered what it would have been like if he had been there to save her when she first arrived, not Tamahome. But wondering always lead to heartache as he remembered the love he had let slip through his fingers.  
  
__  
How it could be now or might have been  
  
  
But still he could not help but ponder about if everything had been different, if she had loved him instead. Would he still be here? Or would he be with her in her world, just as Tamahome was right now.   
  
  
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you know  
  
  
"Hotohori!" Her sorrowful voice shot through the darkness, and his first instincts were to look for her and find the source of her grief. To comfort her, and yet he knew. He was merely dreaming of her voice right now.  
  
  
I've never had a dream come true  
Till the day that I found you  
  
  
He could still remember the first time he had seen her. Back then she had been beseeching him for a jewel so that she could use it as some kind of payment to Tamahome. His eyes had widened in surprise and hope when a crimson light had suddenly surrounded her, and when she suddenly vanished to only reappear again. Could it be? Was this the girl in his dreams?   
_  
  
_ Even though I pretend that I've moved on  
You'll always be my baby  
  
  
After he had discovered the love between Tamahome and his beloved Miko, Hotohori had been heartbroken, knowing fully that she would never be his. And so he pretended not to love, protecting himself and her at the same time with the lie. But in his heart, she was always the one, his first and only love.  
  
  
I never found the words to say  
You're the one I think about each day  


She had always been on his mind, from his childhood when he dreamed about the faceless miko to this day when while he was on his deathbed, all thoughts were turned to her.  
  
  
And I know no matter where life takes me to  
A part of me will always be with you  
  
  
He would be leaving this earth soon, but not now. Not yet. He needed to know. Was she happy? Would she remember him?   
  
  
Somewhere in my memory  
I've lost all sense of time  
  
  
Too deep in the memories, he had not realized how close death was to him. Time seemed to stop as reminisces of their time together. Just the two of them, no one else. He loved those memories the most. They were the only time he could actually think and pretend that she was his.  
  
  
__And so my road can never be cos yesterday is all that fills my mind  
There's no use looking back or wondering  
  
  
For a brief moment, she faded to the background as his new comrades, and fellow warriors entered his mind. Tamahome's cockiness and brash attitude, a worthy friend and rival. Nuriko's feminine yet masculine features and personality, strength beyond imagination. Chichiri's wisdom and calmness despite the peril around them, he had always been someone you could confide in. Tasuki's attitude, so much like Tamahome, with the added fiery spirit, one would never know what the ex-bandit would do next. Mitsukake, the healer of their team, he helped heal their phyiscal wounds with his powers, and mental wounds with his soothing words. And last, but certainly not least was Chiriko. The youngest of them all, with much intelligence and wisdom that surpassed them all. Although at a young age, he had given up everything just to protect his miko._  
  
_  
How it could be now or might have been  
Oh this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go  


They all lived different lives, and yet she had managed to bring them all together, keeping them as one with her strength. And one by one, fate had cruelly split them apart, and he found himself clinging to the bond he shared with his miko._  
  
  
_ I've never had a dream come true  
Till the day that I found you  
  
  
She was everything he wanted, needed. Her smile was the sun in his sky, her eyes the calming presence that was always there for him. She was his life. His purpose...his love.  
_  
  
_ Even though I pretend that I've moved on  
You'll always be my baby  


He had married Houki for the sake of his kingdom. He loved her, but the love he felt for Miaka was far too great to be replaced. He never truly let her go, not in his dreams. Because there, he had her and she him.   
_  
  
_ I never found the words to say  
You're the one I think about each day  
  
  
"Hotohori?!" No dream now. That was definitely her voice beseeching him. "Hotohori! Onegai, you can't die...onegai!"

_Oh Miaka, I don't want to leave you. Aishiteru. _He knew she could not hear him, and wasn't there with him right there. She was still in her world, calling for him.   
  
__  
And I know no matter where life takes me to  
A part of me will always be  
  
  
"Miaka, please be happy." He whispered quietly, willing the last of his strength to comfort her.   
  
"Iie! Don't go! Onegai! Not you too..."   
  
_   
_ You'll always be the dream that fills my head  
Yes you will, say you will, you know you will  
  
  
Hotohori felt a single tear drop fall from the sky and land on him. Slowly he looked up and then closed his eyes. He could feel it, the pain was everywhere. He closed his eyes again, as he wished for a few more moments, just a few. He imagined her tears right now as she watched over him, just like she had always been doing.  
  
  
Oh baby, you'll always be the one I know I'll never forget  
There's no use looking back or wondering  


Maybe in another lifetime they would meet again, and their love would have a chance to grow. He knew that he would always remember her. The way she smiled, her carefree spirit, her wise words spoken when least expected.  
  
_  
_ Because love is a strange and funny thing  
No matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye  
No no no no  
  
  
Love. Something she had given freely, something he wished he had been allowed to partake in. Right now even as he was dying, he could not possibly leave her. He couldn't say goodbye now. Not when she needed him the most.  
  
  
I've never had a dream come true  
Till the day that I found you  
  
  
But the truth was that the dream was ending and he was being taken into the wings of death. Perhaps one day he would see her again. Perhaps.  
  
  
Even though I pretend that I've moved on  
You'll always be my baby  
  
  
"Gomen nasai Miaka..." he whispered before his eyes closed completely and he could her the distant voices of Tasuki and Chichiri as they tried to call him back to them. The darkness grew all around him, and he could hear her piercing sobs as she shouted his name.   
  
  
I never found the words to say (words to say)  
You're the one I think about each day  
  
  
Miaka...Wo Ai Ni...always...  
  
  
And I know no matter where life takes me to  
  
  
The darkness disappeared and he found himself in the company of his fellow deceased Seishi as they watched over their miko, pride swelling in their hearts as she summoned Suzaku...  
  
_  
A part of me will always be_  
  
  
Miaka closed her eyes as a car was thrown at her, knowing that Nuriko would not make in time, and she waited for death. But it never came, and when she opened her eyes, she saw a familiar gleaming sword and she looked up slowly to see him standing before her, in a glorious scarlet light. Tears sprang to her eyes as a whisper escaped her lips.  
  
  
A part of me will always be with you  


"Hotohori..."

****A/N: Spur of the moment songfic. Seem to have a lot of those lately. This one was written mostly by Mystasia with the reluctant help of Fuyu. For all you Tasuki/Miaka lovers, don't worry there's going to be more fics about them. Comments and flames welcomed. Also ignore the spelling errors, I know there are a lot. I haven't seen FY in a while, and I'm trying to get back to it.  
  
****Shameless Plug in:  
And don't forget to join Fire Blossoms: A Tasuki/Miaka mailing list. A place where you can share your fanart/fanfics and have discussions about the couple. The URL is [http://][1][][1]groups.yahoo.com/group/fireblossoms. 

   [1]: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/fireblossoms



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